Bar Jokes!

[Silverton34]

A lawyer, an Illegal alien, a pathological liar, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar.
Bartender asks...


"What'll it be, Mr. President?"

 

[Silverton34]

Obama walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bar tender asks, why do you have a frog on your head? The frog pipes up and sez, it started as a wart on my ass and now look at it.

 

[Silverton34]

A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?"​

 

[Silverton34]

A drunk walks into a bar asks bartender
Hooow high do pequins grow
Hell buddy I don,t know maybe 3'
**** I think I just run over a nun

 

[Silverton34]

A seal walks into a bar and tells the bartender "I'll have anything but a Canadian Club".

​

 

[DJinCO]

A penguin is driving through the desert in his nice air conditioned car. All of a sudden, he notices that the AC is not working so he stops at the first repair shop he finds. The mechanic tells the penguin to go into the ice cream shop to stay cool while he looks at the penguin's car.

After an hour or so of eating ice cream and staying cool, the mechanic shows up to tell the penguin the diagnosis.
The mechanic walks in to tell the penguin what is wrong with his AC and sees the penguin in the corner of the shop with ice cream all over his face.

The mechanic says to the penguin, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says "no, it's just ice cream."

 

[Zach]

What do you do with 365 used condoms?

 

[Zach]

Melt em down and call it a Goodyear

 

[Hans3T]

Sean Connery walks into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks.

I can't remember the rest of the joke, but your mother is a whore.

Sent with Tapacrack

 

[Dennis]

 

[3Hummers]

Golfer was in a terrible accident and lost one of his arms. After he got out of the hospital he tried everything but was so despondent over not being able to play golf that he decided to kill himself. The golfer decides to go to the bar and down some liquid courage before he did the deed. As he sat in the bar drinking, preparing to end it all and feeling sorry for himself he noticed a guy with no arms skipping around the bar and finally out the door into the parking lot. The golfer sat there for a few minutes and finally decided that if the guy with no arms could be so happy that he, the golfer had no business feeling sorry for himself. He knew that he could not kill himself. He was so thankful he decided that he had to run out and catch the man with no arms and thank him for showing the golfer that someone could be happy with no arms. The golfer finally caught up with the man as he skipped down the street and started to thank him profusely, telling him how he had shown the golfer that he could be happy with only one arm and asking the man with no arms how he learned to be so happy. The man looked at the golfer and said, " happy, what are you talking about...my balls itch."

 

[LagunaH1]

So.. this Irishman walks out of a bar.......

































No, really, it *does* happen!

 

[ArtHummer]

[video=youtube_share;RPoX-Z27aNY]http://youtu.be/RPoX-Z27aNY[/video]