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The Wanderer

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
OFF-ROAD OCTOBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 57

FORWARD: Carl and Emma live the good life. Carl, a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, drives a huge 4WD Suburban all over the country to explore off-roading areas. The Suburban, nick-named The Whale, is loaded to the max with every goody known to man. Emma, a very patient lady, tries to keep the short-fused Carl out of as much trouble as possible.
***
A recap is in order. Last time, Carl finally got a chance to compete with their new monster truck, but even though he won the main event and a tidy $15,000 for first place, a bit of bad luck happened. Because Carl jumped the entire row of cars, he didn't stand a chance of slowing down inside the small Fairgrounds facility, and had to go through the tunnel leading out to the parking lot.
There, he rammed into another vehicle while stopping, which unfortunately turned out to his Suburban, The Whale. Luckily, it wasn't totaled, but the damage came to almost $15,000, which, when you consider the fact that the entry fee to the event was $500, Carl had a net loss of about $300 for the weekend.
***
We join them now as they're driving The Whale down the road, two weeks after the event. Strangely, there's no trailer hooked on the back of The Whale.
Emma sighed. "You know Carl, I'm sort of sad that we sold the Killer Whale monster truck."
Carl bit a hefty chunk of Red Man chewing tobacco and tucked it in the side of his mouth. "Well, we had a good run at it. It was fun and all that, but the way I figured, it was gonna cost us a fortune to compete on a regular basis. I mean, you ain't gonna win all the time, and when you get to the big events with the big money, then you gotta go up against Big Foot and all them sort of trucks. Naw, we had our fun and it's time for us to get back to wanderin' around. That's the longest we ever been in one town for the last three years."
Emma sipped at her Yoo-Hoo chocolate soda delicately. "Well, at least we were able to recoup our money we spent building the monster truck."
Carl bit off another plug. "Wffffpll, fffoo grrrtt thsuu vvllimmm nnnn ..."
Emma cut in. "Carl, please don't try to talk with a half pound of tobacco in your mouth. I can't understand a word you're saying!"
"Sorry, honey-pot. Now I got it all wadded up in one cheek, so I can denunciate properly."
"You mean enunciate."
"Right. That's what I said. Whatsamatter, you spill some of the chocolate soda in your ears, or something?"
Emma settled back with a sigh, and smiled. "Well, are we heading to Canada finally? I'd like to get up there when the leaves are turning colors."
Carl spat a huge wad of chew-juice at a road-side sign and nailed it on the lower left corner. "Boy, I'm gettin' better with age. That musta been a 22 foot shot at 55 miles per hour. Not bad at all. Oh yeah, you mentioned Canada? Well, I think we ought to wander in that general direction. But I sure got the urge to do some off-road wandering on the way up there. Just find us a nice little dirt road somewhere, find a stream or a lake and maybe do some camping. Sound good?"
"Ooooooh! That sounds wonderful. I'll get the map out and look for something interesting."
Carl grunted. "We don't need no stinkin' map! All I gotta do is use my keen sense of sight. I'll just keep my eyes open for some landscape that looks good, and any old dirt road that heads in that direction will do."
"What do you look for?"
"Easy. You look for some humps and bumps in the terrain. Hills have to have valleys. I mean, you can't have a hill if it's all even. If a hill was even, it would be level and wouldn't be a hill, now would it? You follow that so far?"
"Uhh, yes. I think so. Then what?"
"Like I said, you got your hills, so that means you got your low spots. And when you got low spots, that's were you can find water. I ain't seen a lake yet on the side of a hill, or on a mountain peak. So, we head for some kind of space between a coupla hills. Bingo! Chances are we'll find a perfect camping spot, catch a few fish and have a great time."
They drove for a few hours, listening to Willy Nelson tapes and munching on Dorito chips dunked in a garlic/jalapeno/bacon dip. Then Carl let out whoop and pointed off to the right. "Now that looks a spot with some potential! Check it out; big hills, lottsa trees, some grass on the low land ... should be fine camping somewhere back in there."
Carl peeled The Whale off the highway and onto a side road. A few miles down the road, he pulled into a small gas station and gassed up all three tanks. The attendant wiped a greasy red rag over the windshield. "If you're headin' back in the hills, you might wanna buy some extra water to take with you."
Carl took out some paper towels and re-cleaned the windshield. "No thanks. I'll just find me a place to camp near some water."
The attendant wiped his runny nose with the same greasy red rag. "I don't think there's much in the way of lakes or ponds up there. Of course, I ain't ever been up there myself, but I don't see no boats ever go by here."
Carl let out a clever-looking smile. "Young man, that don't mean a thing. If you know your way around the woods, you can always find some water."
Emma finished off her Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Soda. "Maybe we should stock up on water, Carl? I haven't checked the water tanks lately."
Carl snorted. "Hey, have you considered the fact that they charge money for the water here? If you want water from that hose, you gotta put three quarters in the machine. And the jug water is 59 cents a gallon. I think we'll just pass on that for now, and find our own free water. I will need some beer extra beer, though."
Ten minutes later, they were underway down the narrow paved road, which soon turned into a pleasant dirt road, which in turn, turned into a bumpy-narrow two-track. The came to a fork, and Carl took the right trail, which was a very tight, gnarly trail that headed off toward those inviting hills.
Carl was glad that he had some good Rancho shocks on The Whale, as the trail deteriorated badly, and the big Suburban was able to get up to a comfortable speed that let the shocks work, while the chassis stayed relatively stable.
Up ahead was an abandoned old farmhouse with a faded Mail Pouch sign on the side, that looked ready to fall over with one stiff breeze. Carl stopped, and zeroed out the odometer. It never hurt to know exactly how far back in you were, and that farmhouse made a great landmark. Just in case.
He headed for a gap between two large green hills that looked promising. The trail got rougher and rougher, and all that was left on the ground to guide Carl, was the two-track marks left by others who had gone that way in the past.
There were some slippery off-camber sections that required finesse from the driver, so Carl slipped The Whale into four wheel drive, and instantly felt the big BF Goodrich All Terrain tires start to grip and pull smoothly forward. No slide-slipping with those babies!
A half-hour later, Carl dropped down into a rock-filled canyon, and had to pick his way slowly around most of the boulders and over some of the bigger ones. The only clue that any other vehicles had ever passed through here, were the scrape marks on the rocks.
Carl was glad when they finally got out of that stuff and into some normal woods. The two-track trail resumed, and Carl was able to go back to two-wheel
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
drive. The only thing that made the driving difficult, was that the brush was over-growing the trail. Fender-high weeds, brush and scrub pines scratched up against the sides of The Whale. At times, Carl couldn't even see the trees flanking the trail, and shuddered when he heard that all too familiar scraping sound on the body that meant it would require several hours of buffing with rubbing compound to get the scratches out.
Emma tapped Carl on the shoulder. "Dear, I don't mean to interrupt you, but ..."
"Then don't! Under conditions like this, a driver has to pay complete attention to the terrain and his machine. My mind is like a computer, wanderin' back and forth from the controls, to the gauges, to the obstacles, so any distractions would ... what's that noise?"
Emma sighed. "I think it's the sound of your radiator boiling over."
"What? How could that be?"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you. While you've been so busy driving, I figured the least I could do was keep an eye on your gauges. You know ... the oil pressure, the temperature. All the usual stuff. You've been running about 280 degrees right now."
Carl peered at the dash in stark racing horror! Whoa! the temp gauge was pegged. He found an open spot and pulled The Whale off the trail and shut the engine down. When Carl popped the hood, he was greeted by a wall of steam.
He let loose with a stream of vile Navy curses that would have curdled milk on a cold day. Emma blanched. "You know, I never did get used that kind of language. Not even after you spent 28 years in the Navy with all those foul-mouthed friends of yours."
"Sorry, honey-pot. I got sorta carried away. Now stand back from all that steam and let's see if I can figure out what caused this here grief."
Carl did the old trick of moving the hood up and down to clear the steam from the engine, and in moments, he had a clear view of the engine compartment. A small stick was poking right dead center in the front of the radiator, and steam and liquid was blowing out of the hole.
Carl started swearing like a trooper again, and Emma smacked him on the top of his head with an empty Yoo-Hoo bottle. "Carl! Now you stop that, right now! One more foul word from you, and I'm going to stick this bottle up your ... your ... your nose!"
"Whoops. Sorry, my dear. I promise to try harder to correct my language, no %*#@. Owww! That hurt. You almost split my head open with that stupid soda bottle. We got us a bigger problem here than my foul mouth, Emma. There's a hole in here the size of bowling ball."
Emma peered over the front end. "Pish and tiffle. That's nothing. I've got a copy of the latest issue of Off-Road that tells you how to fix cooling system problems on the trail. I read the whole article while we were driving down the road, and there's no reason in the world we can't fix this ourself."
"Where's that magazine? It's the September issue, right? Go get me the magazine and a couple of cold beers. I think I'd better read that thing over."
A few minutes later, Carl was working on his second beer and had finished the article. "No problem, Emma. This thing pretty much covers it all. We've got the right stuff to plug the hole, so all we have to do is fix it, then fill it up with water. Emma? Go fill up a couple of jugs from the sink tap and bring 'em out here. I'll start on fixing the damage."
Carl grabbed a rag and released the radiator cap, and watched as the last bit of steam escaped from the massive over-sized radiator. He then checked out his tool kit and found some radiator sealants. Just about that time, he heard a loud "Oh, no!" from inside The Whale.
"Emma? What is it? A spider? A snake?"
"No. It's worse than that. We're completely out of water!"
***
Well, Carl appears to have done it once again. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, with a bone-dry radiator, and no water to put in there. What will happen? Who can tell? We'll simply have to wait to see what happens. Quite frankly, I'm worried.












OFF-ROAD OCTOBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 57 HEADLINES

HEADLINE: THE WANDERERS
SUBHEAD: DEM OLE BONE-DRY BLUES
BYLINE: BY RICK SIEMAN



SUGGESTION FOR ILLO: How about a drawing of The Whale with a giant cloud of steam blowing out from under the hood? By the way, the last few illos have been great!
Thanks,

Rick Sieman
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
how to build a 6.5 diesel, coming soon

RhWMI7Y.jpg
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
OFF-ROAD NOVEMBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 58
FORWARD: Carl and Emma live the good life. Carl, a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, drives a huge 4WD Suburban all over the country to explore off-roading areas. The Suburban, nick-named The Whale, is loaded to the max with every goodie known to man. Emma, a very patient lady, tries to keep the short-fused Carl out of as much trouble as possible.
***
Let's bring you up to date: Carl and Emma decided to do a little wandering, and headed back into the hills to explore and possibly find a good camping spot. Unfortunately, when the trail got tight and twisty, a wayward stick poked a whole in the radiator of The Whale. Then the worst news possible: When Emma went inside the suburban to fill up a few jugs from the sink, she found out that they were out of water!
We join them now as they're trying to figure out what to do:
***
Carl rummaged around in the tool box and extracted a small box full of various tubes. "Aha! Here we are. I got some Aluma-Seal and I got a tube of Dr. Whiz Rad-O-Plug. I think I'll try that Rad-O-Plug; it only cost me 99 cents at the swap meet in El Paso."
Emma shook her head. "I don't think you should experiment with something unknown. I read that article in Off-Road Magazine about cooling system tricks and tips, and they said Aluma-Seal was one of the best things you could use." "Emma, who's the mechanic here? One way or another, I'll get that leak fixed. But the real problem is where are we gonna get some water?"
"Well, if you had read that article, you might know that we can use just about any kind of liquid to get us back to that gas station near the highway. See? It says right here where somebody used a mixture of Gatorade and motor oil in the radiator in an emergency."
Carl scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm. We've got all kinds of liquids in The Whale. Why don't you get as many liquids together as you can, while I fix this here radiator?"
After reading the directions on the back of the container of Dr. Whiz Rad-O-Plug, Carl mixed the epoxy and the hardener together, stirred the substance with a stick and then dabbed it in and around the hole in the radiator. In about five minutes, the gray wad had hardened like a rock.
Emma lugged a cardboard box out of The Whale and set it on the ground next to Carl. "Here's everything I could find. I hope there's enough."
Carl rummaged through the box. "Let's see ... salad oil, club soda, tomato juice, Italian dressing, Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Soda, after-shave lotion, a bottle of cheap wine, a quart of milk and two six-packs of beer. Two six packs of beer? Emma, are you nuts? There's no way I'm gonna waste perfectly good beer in a radiator! Now you put that beer back in the fridge, and we'll make do with the other stuff."
Emma started to say something, but instead, just sighed. Carl got busy pouring all of the liquids in the radiator after starting the engine.
The Whale idled contentedly as he opened up the various cans and bottles and emptied the contents into the radiator. First the tomato juice, then nine bottles of chocolate soda, then the milk and so forth. By the time Carl poured the last container - a large bottle of Kraft Italian dressing - the mixture in the radiator was a vile looking brown soup that smelled really bad.
After about ten minutes, the thermostat opened and the murky solution started burbling through the cooling system. Carl peered in the radiator spout and watched the liquid circulate, then stuck the cap back on, satisfied with his handi-work.
"Emma? I got it all fixed up, so button up all that loose stuff and let's get rolling. I wanna get back to that gas station and flush this crap out of the radiator before it turns into a pudding or something weird."
Two minutes later, Carl had The Whale turned around and started back-tracking on the trail. He kept an eye on the temperature gauge, and it seemed a little bit on the high side, but otherwise OK.
Then, right before they reached the smooth dirt road, a huge billowing cloud of dark brown steam belched out of the grill and through the gaps where the hood and fenders met. In a moment, visibility was completely lost, as the windshield got covered with the murky solution.
Carl slammed on the brakes, shut the engine off and started cursing loudly. He scrambled out, popped the hood and immediately got covered with a wet, hot, slimy mixture that was blasting out of the "repaired" hole in the radiator.
Emma stood back a safe distance and shook her head sadly from side to side. "I told you not to use something unproven. That article in Off-Road was very specific about that, and ..."
"Aww, put a cork in it, Emma! I'm not too happy about things in general right now, and I don't need you rubbing it in. Take a look at this mess!"
And a real mess it was. Brown liquid dripped slowly off the underside of the hood, and where it had hit hot parts on the engine and the exhaust, it was hardening like burnt cake batter. Carl was covered from head to foot with a substance that looked a great deal like gravy drippings.
"Emma, don't say a word. Not one word. Just go in the back of The Whale and get that tube of Aluma-Seal and a can of plug and contact cleaner."
Emma stifled a giggle and disappeared inside The Whale, while Carl wiped as much of the mess as he could off the engine compartment and windshield with rags and paper towels. Emma returned with the toolbox and the contact cleaner, and the copy of Off-Road. "Dear, maybe you might want to read this article now, because I don't think we have any liquids left."
Carl grabbed the magazine and went over to sit on a large rock to read it. Hmmm. Maybe all was not lost, after all. The article said that in an emergency, even oil could be used. Carl rummaged around in the back of The Whale and found a half dozen plastic bottles of oil, three quarts of trans fluid and some small cans of power steering and brake fluid.
He carefully poured the various fluids in the radiator. "I wonder if we'll have enough? Nope. It's still below the hole in the radiator. Dang blast it! We still need a couple quarts of something."
Emma went inside The Whale and came out a moment later with the two six-packs of beer. "Here you are, Carl. And I don't think you can argue about it now."
Carl stood there with his jaw hanging for a long time, then suddenly brightened. "Emma, there's no way I'm gonna waste all that beer. But I will recycle it! Now let's go inside The Whale, sit back, relax a bit and let me drink all that beer."
Emma seemed confused. "But if you drink it, how are you going to get it in the radiator?"
Carl smiled widely. "Back when I was in the Navy, there was this Warrant Officer by the name of Red, who told me that you couldn't buy beer. You could only rent it. I'm going to put his philosophy into action."
A startled look came over Emma's face. "You don't mean ... you can't mean!"
"I certainly do mean it. I'll guarantee you that ten minutes after I start drinking those beers, I'll .... uhh ... have to answer the call of nature, so to speak. And what better place to do it, than inside the radiator? I think old Red would be proud of me for coming up with this solution."
Emma was utterly shocked. "If you think I'm going to sit around here, waiting for you to fill up your bladder, so you can take a leak in the radiator, you're out of your mind! I'm going to go inside and watch television and don't you dare come inside until you're done with that nasty business. My mother warned me that there would be strange and trying days in any marriage, but I never thought it come to this!"
Emma went inside The Whale and slammed the door shut. As she sat there watching the soap operas, it was very hard to ignore the sound of pop tops being opened, and every 15 minutes or so, a sound much like running water. Emma sighed and turned the sound of the TV up a notch. It looked like it was going to be a very long afternoon.




















OFF-ROAD NOVEMBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 58 HEADLINES

HEADLINE: THE WANDERERS
SUBHEAD: THE ULTIMATE RECYCLING TRICK
BYLINE: BY RICK SIEMAN
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
so I found a motor for my 94, 234,000 miles but it runs and has a 30 day warranty. Bad news, they were wrong....
aaVM2R9.jpg

this is the number for a stock 94 motor
ZsMnXEC.jpg


this is the number of a rebuilt, upgraded and far better motor
eC1Txk6.jpg


they didn't clean the motor - that's not 234,000 miles :)
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
The plot thickens, the Jasper motor (the 'broken one') has the later block.... I'm really going to be interested in what I find when I pull it apart.


As I'm running out of room, it's time to start junking the junk
new motor goes to be installed
rMIDr6Z.jpg



I have one motor that came out of a 95 one ton. the guy was replacing the starter, and broke a bolt.... then tried to fix it himself (and failed, badly) to the point that the block is pretty much junk. I always thought it was just a stocker, but no - .010 overbore
z6Eer2h.jpg

which works out really well if I rebuild another block that needs oversized pistons.
spiderman has nothing on Detroit Diesel engineers
4yr487M.jpg



should have the 94 back tomorrow
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
OFF-ROAD DECEMBER 1993 THE WANDERERS # 59
FORWARD: Carl and Emma live the good life. Carl, a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, drives a huge 4WD Suburban all over the country to explore off-roading areas. The Suburban, nick-named The Whale, is loaded to the max with every goodie known to man. Emma, a very patient lady, tries to keep the short-fused Carl out of as much trouble as possible.
***
When we last left our friends, they had just come through a harrowing punctured radiator experience that Carl solved in a thoroughly disgusting manner (See OR November/93 for the tasteless details) that had Emma in a foul mood for days afterward.
In order to calm Emma down, Carl figured that maybe a little side trip off-road and some healthy recreation might be in order.
"Say, honey-pot. What say we git those dirt bikes off the bumper racks and take a nice trail ride? It's been some time since we wandered around on two wheels."
Emma just crossed her arms and pointed straight ahead with her chin.
Carl had The Whale on cruise control at exactly 58 miles per hour as they headed north. He knew damn well that no highway patrolman was going to stop you for a lousy three miles per hour, and it sure was fun bending the law a little bit, if not actually breaking it. "So, whaddaya think, sweety-pie? Just a romantic little trail ride. Maybe we can even find a deluded stream and do some skinny dipping. Hee, hee!" Emma shook her head and smiled, in spite of her foul mood. "You mean "secluded" stream, not "deluded" stream. When are you ever going to learn to quit mangling the English language?"
Carl rolled the window of The Whale down and launched a huge brown brackish wad of chew at a speed limit sign. The wad hit about seven inches off center, and he realized he had not allowed for the slight headwind when calculating his spit trajectory. "Hey, never mind all that grammar stuff. Howsa 'bout you and me taking a break and having some fun? C'mon, my little meadow muffin, let's roll the clock back a few years. Remember that time back in '86 when we stumbled across that neat hot springs with the waterfall? And I chased you all over the place, buck-nekkid?"
Emma blushed a bright red and giggled uncontrollably. "Oh, Carl! You devil! It's a good thing no one saw us running around like a couple of teen-agers."
Carl emitted an evil little smile. He knew he had her on the hook. "Well, no wonder I chased you all over that hot spring. If I recall, you had just lost about 15 pounds with that new acrobatics tape from Cher, and was lookin' good!"
Emma giggled. "Oh, Carl! You mean "aerobics" tape, not "acrobatics" tape. You might not believe it, but I'm nearly the same weight now as I was back then. For the last month or so, I've been knocking off the guacamole dip and tortilla chips and eating rice cakes dipped in hot sauce instead."
Carl nodded his head knowingly. "Hells-fire, I knew something was up. You been lookin' real good as of late. It's a good thing we're married, or I'd be spending all of my spare time chasing you around. So, my slender cupcake, what say we take in the perfect trail ride?"
***
About an hour later, Carl saw an interesting dirt road and pulled off. He drove for another 20 minutes and found a nice flat area to park in. There were nicely wooded hills not too far away; the area looked pleasant. In fact, just about ideal.
Carl unloaded his big 600 KTM four stroke dirt bike from the rear bumper rack, and Emma's shiny little Hodaka from the front. Twenty minutes later, they had their riding gear and helmets on, and both gas tanks topped up. Carl had their swim suits, towels, and lunch stuffed in his back-pack.
Right before they fired the bikes up, Carl got the keys to The Whale and turned to Emma: "Listen, my turtle-dove of love; I'm gonna stick the keys to The Whale in the gas cap flap just so you know where they are."
Emma bristled. "Carl! That's the very first place any car thief would look. You simply have to find a better place than that."
"Huh? Well, I guess you're right. OK, I'll stick 'em under the lip of the rear bumper."
Emma gave a disgusted look. "That's the second most obvious place. You can do better than that."
"Hmmmm. Aha! I'll just put 'em on top of the roof. No one would ever think of looking there."
"What if the car thief is tall? The first thing he'll see is the shiny car keys glistening in the sun. And when we come back from out trail ride, The Whale will be gone. Think, Carl, think."
Carl scratched his head for a while. "How about this? I just stick 'em up the exhaust pipe!"
Emma sighed. "That's the third most obvious place. Everybody does that!"
Carl spit a large wad dead center on a nearby rock, and thought. "Okie-dokie. I'll stuff them behind the license plate."
"That's the fourth most obvious place they'd look. You've got to do better than that. After all, this is our home, and we have to protect it."
Carl shrugged his shoulders. "Jeez, woman, you're making it tough. Well, what about sticking the keys in the gap in the hood under the wiper blades? No one would ever look there."
"Honestly, I think you're putting out flags just telling potential Suburban thieves where to look. If anything, that place is more obvious than the first four places. You've simply got to come up with an original place to hide the keys."
Carl thought real hard; hard enough to where his head almost hurt. Then it came to him in a flash: "I got it! I'll just dig a small spot under one of the tires and bury the keys there. Then I'll cover it up with dirt and no one will never ever think of checking there."
Emma didn't appear 100 percent convinced. "What if someone sees the freshly moved dirt?"
"Don't worry about that. I've got an idea that'll make the traces virtually invisible. Just trust me on this one. Now just fire your bike up and let's go have us the perfect trail ride."
***
And a wonderful trail ride it was. After riding for less than a half hour, they discovered a small bit of paradise in the hills: a small stream emptied into a pool of crystal-clear water about waist deep. It was shaded from the sun by over-hanging trees and pine-needles lay on the ground in a foot-thick carpet.
Carl and Emma frolicked in the water, splashing each other like kids at play, then lay back on their towels on the pine-needle cushion, and let the sun dry them off. They ate their lunch and shared a small bottle of Thunderbird wine.
As the sun started to drop, they put their riding gear back ion and back-tracked to The Whale. Twenty minutes later, they arrived at the camp-site; The Whale was still there, its tobacco stained flanks glistening in the late afternoon sun.
Then Carl gulped visibly.
"What's wrong, dear?"
Carl smacked himself on the forehead and let out a groan. "Well, I did it, Emma. I screwed up as much as a person can do."
"How's that, dear?"
He sighed. "Remember I told you I had an idea to protect the keys hidden under the tire?"
"Yes."
"Well, I think that technique had a basic sort of a flaw in it."
"How so, Carl?"
"OK. Now, don't get mad, but here's what I did. I scooped out a little hollow under the tire and stuck the keys there. Then I got in The Whale and let it roll backwards about a foot to cover up any signs of disturbed dirt."
"And?"
"And then I put The Whale in park and locked the doors. Emma, we got the keys buried dead-center under the left front wheel of our Suburban!"
Emma didn't say anything, but did start smacking Carl on the head with her helmet.




















OFF-ROAD DECEMBER 1993 THE WANDERERS #59 HEADLINES

HEADLINE: THE WANDERERS
SUBHEAD: THE PERFECT TRAIL RIDE. WELL, ALMOST PERFECT
BYLINE: BY RICK SIEMAN



(NOTE TO ART DEPT. SUGGESTION FOR ILLO: HOW ABOUT A DRAWING OF THE WHALE WITH CARL'S BUTT STICKING IN THE AIR, AS HE TRIES TO DIG KEYS OUT FROM UNDERNEATH THE FRONT TIRE?)
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
[FONT=&amp]Tomorrow there will be pictures of the new rig. New motor is in and it runs awesome... might even have to change my signature picture... big things. So let's add to the Wanderer's story[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] When we last left our friends, they were headed in the general direction of Canada, but had been distracted with various side trips. Since they had no real schedule to keep, this was no big deal. That was one of the great benefits of being retired and living out of a traveling 4x4: you did what you wanted, when you wanted.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] In fact, Carl tended to lose track of what was happening, since he never bought a news paper and whenever he watched television, it was usually WWF Wrestling or Road Runner cartoons. We join them now, as they wander (what else?) in a generally northward direction.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] ***[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl leaned back in the conformable captain's chair with his legs stretched out. As per usual practice, the cruise control on The Whale was set at 58 miles per hour, exactly three miles over the posted speed limit. Carl's philosophy was clear on this: "Ain't no state trooper chicken-crap enough to write you up for three miles over the limit. It's jist enough to irritate 'em."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl yawned, belched heavily, and then quietly passed some gas. To cover himself, he thought quickly: "Did you see that dead skunk alongside the road back there? Musta been the size of a German Sheppard. Pheeeeewww! Enough to make you gag."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Emma wrinkled her nose. "Ugh! It's awful. And for some reason, it smells like pepperoni."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl suppressed a smile. Faked her out again! "Say, Emma. Why don't you turn that radio on and see if you can raise a good country station? A coupla good Willy Nelson songs right about now would be nice."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Emma fiddled with the knobs on the intimidating Blitzkreig Watt Blaster radio, and finally found the tuner. She rotated the knob slowly:[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] ... turn, turn, turn ... squack ... squeal ... " ... coming in at number 19 on the Top 40 list, is Shoot The Cops In The Head, by Ice Water Jones and the Rap Killers, up last week from number ..."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] ... turn, turn, turn ... " ... so if you've always wanted to be a mortician, now's your chance! Just send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Famous Morticians School, right here in Tulsa ..."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] ... turn, turn, turn ... " ... and quit losing money with low interest back savings. Forget gold and silver. Yes, the real way to make big bucks, is with plutonium investments. Did you know that you can't make nuclear bombs without plutonium? That little known fact can give you the inside edge on real ..."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] ... turn, turn, turn ... " ... so why pay more for groceries? C'mon down to Finsters Food Fair, where you can get three bunches of rutabaga for only 49 cents, and not only that ..."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] ... turn, turn, turn ... " ... tuned for the six o'clock news, brought to you by Lucky Lube, where you can get your oil changed in 20 minutes or less, and then roll the dice to see if you pay double, or get it free. Only in Nevada, it's Lucky Lu ..."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl sighed. "Ain't there nuthin' good on, Emma?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Emma fixed him with a sharp look. "It wouldn't hurt you to find out what's going on in the world today. Let's just listen to the evening news for a change."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl grunted.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] " ... and the President said today that his budget plan will help the economy in the long run, and that the American people will be able to handle the increase in taxes ..."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl got read in the face. "Dammit! I knew I never should have voted for Nixon. He promised not to raise taxes. And now look at this: increased taxes!"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Emma shook her head from side to side. "Carl, Nixon isn't president any more."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] "Hmmmph. No wonder, what with raising the taxes and all. Who whipped him? Goldwater? Hubert Humphrey?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] "Not quite. They got a new guy in named Clinton, from Arkansas. Some kind of New Age person. He wants gays in the military ... that sort of stuff."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] "What's wrong with that? You gotta have gates in the military. If you don't, all sorts of weird people will get in to the bases. Not only that, you gotta have big tall fences with barbed wire on the top."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] "Not 'gates', Carl. Gays. Oh, never mind. Why don't we just listen to the news, and maybe we'll find out something interesting. After all, how many times can you listen to Willy Nelson singing Whiskey River?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] "I dunno. Two hunnert? Three hunnert? I never get tired of it. So what's your point, Emma?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] "Oh, never mind. Just shut up and drive. Maybe, in spite of yourself, you'll learn something."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] " ... news is brought to you in part by the best little lake in the area, Lake Finster. Swimming, boating, fishing and just plain fun, are part of the activities at Lake Finster. And not only that, if you just stop by and fill up your tank, you could win a free inflatable boat. Located just three miles off Highway ..."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl snapped to attention. "Look, Emma! There's a sign! We're only a few miles from Lake Finster. And we're low on gas. Who knows? Maybe we can win that inflatable boat. That boat we got on the roof is getting pretty old and crusty. It sure would be nice to get a boat that's not only new, but maybe half the weight of our old rig. What the heck... let's give it a shot!"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] A few minutes later, The Whale rumbled up to the gas station at Lake Finster. Carl filled the tanks of The Whale up, then walked inside the station to check on the boat contest: "Say, what's the deal on winning this here inflatable boat?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] The attendant set down his worn copy of Hustler and handed Carl a card. "Just scratch off any three of the 15 squares. If you get three boats, you win. If you get two boats, you get a free pint of night crawlers. If you get one boat, you get a free plastic whistle. Good luck, partner."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl extracted quarter out of his pocket and thought real hard for a moment, then scratched off one square. Wow! A boat![/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] He closed his eyes, poked a finger at another square, scratched that one off, and got another boat! "Emma! Git your buns over here! I already got two boats. If I get a third one, we're gonna be floatin' high! Wish me luck!"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Emma rubbed Carls' thinning crew-cut for luck, and watched intently as he scratched off the third square.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Carl let out a loud whoop. "Hey! I got it! I won the boat! Lookee here! Hot damn!"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Emma's eyes bugged out. "How'd you do that, dear?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] "Well, I sort of thought it out real careful and used my scientific mind to calculate exactly where the winning squares would be. The rest is history."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] The attendant sighed. "Lady, he closed his eyes and picked the last two boxes. This wasn't exactly no rocket science move."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] ***[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] One hour later, Carl was opening a very large cardboard box right next to the edge of Lake Finster. The first thing he extracted from the box was an instruction manual. "You got to follow these things closely, Emma. It's not like blowing up a raft. These modern devices are made out of Kevlar, Mylar, Poly-butyl-stuff, PBS, PVC, and God knows what else. Too much air, and we could blow this thing all the way to Montana. Not enough air, and it'll sink like a claw hammer. So stand back, shut up, and let me set this unit up."[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] Emma did indeed, stand back. Carl followed the instructions like a free-lance brain surgeon doing a mail-order brain transplant.[/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] He inflated the boat carefully to exactly 80 p.s.i., using the air compressor built into The Whale. Then he installed the small engine, using the supplied hardware, taking extra care to torque them down to exactly the indicated specs. All the goodies were bolted down as per the instructions. His thick forefinger followed each line and each word. [/FONT]
[FONT=&amp] One hour later, the boat was ready. [/FONT]
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
Carl fired up the five horsepower engine and let it warm up. He did a double check on the brackets and fittings, then smiled: "Emma? Get your buns in the boat. We're goin' to take 'er for a spin on Lake Finster."
Emma looked at the bright yellow inflatable boat. "I didn't realize it was so big. Gosh, it's impressive! But shouldn't we put that little cover over the air valve?"
Carl studied the boat for a moment, then flipped through the manual. "Nope. It don't say nuthin' about covering that thing up with a stopper. This here is a Your-O-pean boat, made in Germany, and these people make a good product and a good manual. I go by the manual. So hop in and I'll launch this here sucker."
Emma gingerly stepped into the boat and sat down in the bow.
Carl got a good grip on the stern and wiggled it into the water. In a few moments, the bright yellow inflatable was floating high and dry. Carl fired up the motor and they churned off toward the center of Lake Finster.
About one minute out, the yellow boat started sitting low in the water. Two minutes after that, it was sitting alarmingly low.
Emma leaned over the side and looked at the air valve. A steady hissing sound was emitting.
She tried to point this out to Carl, but he was busy working his way out among the many water craft on the crowded lake. Three minutes later, water was lapping over the edges of the center of the boat, and even Carl was forced to admit that fact.
Sixty seconds later, the middle of the boat was sagging like an over-ripe banana, and the front and the rear were pointing up into the sky.
Another minutes passed, and Carl realized that a real problem was in the making: "Swim for it, Emma! We're sinking!"
Emma bailed over the side and doggie-paddled for shore, while Carl tried to turn the water-laden craft around.
When Emma was half way to the shore, she saw the boat sag heavily in the middle and Carl dive head first into the water.
Unfortunately, he hit a mud bank about two feet below the surface.
Fortunately, the safety patrol saw his feet waving in the air, and extracted him before he ingested the muddy bottom.
Later on, as Emma sipped on a Yoo-Hoo chocolate soda, she reflected on the fact that they were able to sell the boat for $200, which almost covered the rescue fee.
Sigh.
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
so here it is in its rattling, dented glory
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notice all that awful rust.... terrible, no?
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so driving it home was scary, very scary - it does need a rebuild of the front suspension and maybe shocks.... and perhaps another brake or two... but the friend who helped me on it suggested it was a tire issue. He was right
I put these beauties on and it drove better
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I know this might sound odd, but despite having two sets of those original wheels on there - I kind of like these, wonder if I can find poverty caps (or just leave them with a cleanup)
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I always love finding stuff in new vehicles... the guy I bought it from... a pastor, who related that his son said "it just stopped" ... thinking the kid needs to listen to his dad a bit more
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what is kind of funny is there was a Pastor who was a former gang member that wrong "The Cross and the Switchblade." It was a good influence on me, so maybe this kid is following that too

anyway, the 85 is up for sale and the denali is going to be rendered to parts after this weekend... what I don't know is how much, what features, and how to advertise the 85... I should keep it, but then again, I want to narrow my project and the focus...
 
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SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
when turbos go bad. This is forensic, but here we go
the old motor....
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hmmmm
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driver's side isn't too bad - you can even see the cross hatch marks in the bore
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not sure why there's oil in number 4, but oh number 8, that turbo hated you bad
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even the head got into the action...
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​​​​​​​and yes, I junked the motor - the wall was scored
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
OFF-ROAD FEBRUARY 1994 THE WANDERERS # 61
HEADLINE: THE WANDERERS
SUBHEAD: GONE FISHIN'
BYLINE: BY RICK SIEMAN

(SUGGESTION FOR ILLO. NOTE TO ART DEPT: HOW ABOUT A DRAWING OF A BOAT EXPLODING OUT OF THE WATER ON TOP OF A BLAST LIKE A SMALL NUCLEAR BOMB?)

FORWARD: Carl and Emma live the good life. Carl, a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, drives a huge 4WD Suburban all over the country to explore off-roading areas. The Suburban, nicknamed The Whale, is loaded to the max with every goody known to man. Emma, a very patient lady, tries to keep the short-fused Carl out of much trouble as possible.
***
When we last left our wandering friends, Carl had just sunk a new inflatable boat he'd won in Lake Finster. At this point, Carl was not in the best of moods. We join them now as they're eating at the Dew Drop Inn Diner:
***
"Carl, I wish you'd calm down a bit. You're gonna explode some of those veins in your head if you let little things get to you."
Carl took a huge bite of his Triple Dew Drop Burger, and replied: "Fwell, vettt me fut fings nnn iz fropper ferfecktvv ..."
Emma sighed. "If I told you once, I told you a zillion times please don't try to talk with your mouth full. I can't make out anything you say."
Reaching in his mouth with one large finger, Carl extracted a huge plug of chewing tobacco, and deposited it on the side of his plate. Some brackish brown juice seeped in the edge of his stack of french fries. "There. That's better. Forgot to take my plug out while I was eating."
Emma shuddered. "I still don't know how you can do that! How on earth can you have a wad of chew the size of a frog in your mouth, and still eat food at the same time?"
"Hey, it's easy! Watch. You put the plug high up in one side of your cheek, and keep your tongue between the food and the plug, then gobble away. It takes a little bit of practice." Carl popped the soggy wad of tobacco into his left cheek, making him look like a crazed chipmunk, then took a huge bite of the burger, which bulged out his other cheek. The sight would have made any pelican envious.
Emma raised her eyes skyward. "Please. Not while I'm eating!"
Carl replaced the plug on the plate, where it resumed seeping into the french fries. "You know what bugs me, Emma? I can live with the fact that I sunk that new boat. That ain't so bad. But I was really countin' on doin' some fishing. It's been a long time since I dropped a line in the water. And what could be healthier for you than fresh fish?"
"Well, it would certainly be better for you than that grease-burger you're eating. And those 30 weight french fries. And that side order of fat bacon. And that other side order of sausage."
"Aw, c'mon Emma. A man's got to have some protein in his system. You don't want me to wither away."
"Wither away? You'd be better off eating a tub of wheel bearing grease." Emma shook her head from side to side as she watched Carl eat a fistful of the french fries all stained with tobacco juice.
Carl smiled. "You know, we ought to eat here more often. These french fries have got a good kick to them. Anyways, like I was sayin', I still want to do some fishing. And we still got our old boat on the roof of The Whale. That guy at the dock says the fishing is great here at Lake Finster, so what say we give it a go tomorrow morning?"
***
Bright and early, as first light hit, Carl unloaded the old boat in the water, paid a small fee to the launch attendant, and fired up the 10 horse Sky King motor. Lake Finster was a good-sized chunk of water with a lot of small coves and inlets, and Carl headed for a likely spot and baited up a hook for Emma (she didn't like to touch the night crawlers), and then got out a variety of the latest lures for himself.
After a half hour of futile fishing - not one nibble - Carl moved the boat to another spot.
The same story. Nary a bite.
After a half day of fishing, they headed into shore for lunch. Carl cornered the bait shop man. "I thought you said the fishing was good here, buddy? Well, I ain't caught anything. And all I've done is drown two dollars worth of worms."
The bait shop man scratched his scruffy chin. "Can't explain that. You got damn near the whole lake to yourself. This is the first of the week and there ain't but two other boats on the water besides yourself. Maybe you ought to try some lures, pal?"
Carl grunted. "Hells-fire, I threw everything in the water but my tackle box. I used an Atomic Wriggler, a Mighty Minnow, a Bass-O-Matic Bomber, a Flying Fin, an Orbiting Ogre and a Spinning Sizzler, all to not avail. Then I tried cheese balls, salmon eggs, cat fish bait, plastic worms, fake bugs, fake fruit flies, fake butterflies, fake crickets, fake minnows, real minnows, real bugs, rancid bacon, bread dough, dragon flies, foam frogs, chromed tadpoles, spoon baits, feathered jigs, regular worms and night crawlers the size of hot dogs. Nothin' worked. Are you sure there's fish in this here lake?"
The bait shop man pointed at the multitude of pictures hanging on the walls. "See these? All of these lunkers came out of this lake, including this nine pound bass and this here 22 pound moose of a cat fish. Why, just the other day, I got my limit of trout in seven minutes. Maybe you just out to give up and try some dynamite, pal."
Carl got a crafty look in his eye and went back to The Whale while Emma finished up her Yoo Hoo Chocolate Soda.
A half hour later, they were back out on the lake, throwing lines back in the water. Apparently, no one else was having much luck, either, as the other two boats packed it up and headed for the loading ramps.
Being a stubborn type, Carl kept on keeping on. Emma had long ago given up, and spent the time reading her latest issue of Popular Knitting from cover to cover, which had a feature story that compared various knitting needles, head to head.
As the day wore on, Carl noticed that the bait shop man closed up shop and drove home, followed by the launch ramp attendant. "Well, Emma, we got the whole lake to ourselves now."
Emma looked up from her magazine. "Big deal. The only thing we've caught is three flies that I swatted. What next, oh great Bass Master?"
Carl grinned from ear to ear. "I'll tell you what's next. We're gonna get us some fish, one way or another. And I got just the thing to get the job done. Take a look here!"
With that, Carl extracted a stick of dynamite from inside his shirt.
Emma was shocked. "Carl! You can't be serious! Fishing with dynamite is against the law!"
"So what? This here place ought to be against the law, what with charging people to get in, and no one can catch any fish. I just want to get my money's worth, that's all. We'll go over to the far part of the lake, get a quick limit my way, and eat good tonight."
Emma folded her arms over her bosom and got a grim look on her face. "Carl, I don't like this at all."
Twenty minutes later, Carl pulled the boat into a secluded cove, then dropped his anchor into the water to check the depth. "Hmmm. About 25 feet. This should give us a good cross section of fish, if there's anything in this stupid lake at all. Now pay attention, Emma, so you can see how a real fisherman gets things done when them stupid fish ain't biting. First thing we do, is see how the current is running. Now we're at a spot where the lake empties into a river. So what we do is toss the dynamite upstream, and then when the fish float to the surface, we just scoop 'em out of the water with our net as they float toward us. What could be simpler?"
Carl took the stick of dynamite and carefully trimmed the fuse. "Ya see, I shorten the fuse so it'll have about a five second burn. That's about how long it should take to reach the bottom. But the real trick to this, is to weight the stick down so it'll sink. So I'll just tie a sinker to the dynamite stick, to keep it from floating."
Carl wrapped a piece of fishing line around the stick, then tied a sinker to the end of the line. He extracted his faithful old Zippo lighter out of his shirt pocket, lit the fuse and tossed the stick of dynamite about 40 feet upstream.
"Now, you just watch and hold on to the net, Emma. There'll be a boom and the water might rock a bit, but at this distance, we're safe. My Uncle Fred used to do this all the time up in the hills of West Virginia."
Carl settled back in the boat, and waited.
Almost exactly two seconds later, the stick of dynamite bobbed to the surface right next to the boat. Clearly, the piece of fishing line that held the sinker on, had slipped off, thereby freeing the powerful stick of explosive.
Carl grabbed Emma by the shoulder. "Jump, woman! We got big trouble!"
The Wanderers jumped ungracefully into Lake Finster, just as the stick of dynamite bumped up against the side of the boat, and rested there. They paddled furiously away from the boat, and were about 20 feet away when a loud WHHHUUUUUMMMMPPPP! sound went off. Carl turned around just in time to see the wooden boat blast up into the air like it had hit a World War II mine!
A medium sized wave helped wash them to the nearby shore. Emma clambered up the bank and sat there, numb. Carl let out a whoop of delight! "Look here, Emma! There's a cat fish floating toward us. Hand me the net."
***
The doctor finished putting the bandage on Carl's head, and washed his hands. "Well, now. How did you get that nasty cut, sir?"
Carl looked sheepish. "Well, doc. My wife accidentally banged me on the head with a fishing net. You know how women are. They just don't know much about fishing."
 

SuperBuickGuy

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,403
Location
Woodinville, WA
So time to say good bye to Wanderer 1. I have no idea what it's worth, but likely it will get sold to another person who does k9 Search and Rescue. Having the ability to keep your dogs cool no matter the weather is a big deal, plus the water and pump... anyway, say good bye

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​​​​​​​
and in clearing the shop, I got the sliding tray out of the shop. Not installed, but this next week I'll start getting this modified for camping and Search and Rescue.
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